


Five-Second Rule

by Alexgrand



Category: One Piece
Genre: Canon Universe, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Kissing, M/M, Mugiwara no Ichimi | Straw Hat Pirates, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 10:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21617407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexgrand/pseuds/Alexgrand
Summary: There's a new rule on the ship that's driving Sanji out of his mind, which tends to be on Zoro a lot lately.
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 22
Kudos: 267





	Five-Second Rule

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [【索香】五秒规定](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25678987) by [APTX](https://archiveofourown.org/users/APTX/pseuds/APTX)

> This was supposed to be a gift fic but I missed the deadline so here ya go everybody! It takes place sometime before Punk Hazard. 
> 
> I apologize in advance for any spelling and grammar mistakes. I’m a one woman show!

Five-Second Rule

Leftover cooking oil from the stove top sizzled, splashing hot droplets on Sanji's exposed arm.

The cook was carrying lunch for the rest of the Strawhat crew. Balance was usually Sanji's strong suit but his concentration had been suffering recently. His plate of rollatini went slipping, slipping. 

“Dammit!” Sanji willed away the pain and regained proper footing. Nevertheless, a piece rolled off the platter and onto the kitchen floor.

Luffy and Usopp, waiting for their opportunity the way a wolf waits for a sheep to separate from the flock, dove towards Sanji's feet. 

“Five-second rule!” 

Chopper clopped into the room squealing, “I told you guys that that's not hygienic! Don't you know how many germs are on this ship!?”

“The germs wait five seconds!” Luffy gave the reindeer doctor his trademark grin.

Who the hell told him that? Sanji figured it was probably some swindler on the island where the crew did their last supply run. 

Sanji kicked at the captain and sharpshooter. “You two better not start making a habit out of this!” 

Oh, but they did, and they got the rest of the ship involved. 

Even sweet, beautiful Nami would “accidentally” knock food off the counter and announce, “Oops! Five-second rule!” 

Luffy would then stretch from wherever he was to get dibs or Robin would sprout limbs from the floor. Franky would call both the devil fruit users cheaters before catapulting his retractable arm halfway across the room. “Five-second rule—AOW!”

The rule turned Sanji's kitchen into a nightmare. 

Zoro, that brooding bastard, never did anything besides train, feast, and drink. Sanji thought that he would join in on the shenanigans. Moss-head showed no interest, however. He only seem interested in watching Sanji react to every fallen piece of food. Sanji could  _ feel _ that man’s condescending gaze. 

One night, Zoro must have thought that Sanji wasn't around. He snuck into the kitchen to steal grapes, one of which he clumsily dropped. It traveled to the kitchen doorway. When he scrambled to pick it up, Zoro saw the tip of Sanji’s dress shoes. 

“Et tu, dumbass?” the chef lit a cigarette while he stared down at Zoro's outstretched arm. All that training was going really well for Zoro, his toned figure—no, Sanji didn’t care for that. What was he going to talk about? Right, eating off the floor. “This is beneath you.” 

Zoro stood up mumbling, “You used to work in a restaurant, I'm sure you've served food that's been dropped.” 

Exhaling a cloud of smoke, Sanji shook his head. “No, I haven't. It's unsanitary. And this ship is a completely different story: you don't know who does what on these floors when no one's looking.”

That didn't sound right. Luckily Zoro wasn’t one to read too much into words. Leave it to Sanji to stick his foot in his mouth around the one person he was always trying to one-up. 

Sanji walked past the swordsman to grab his recipe book from one of the cabinets. “Just take the whole vine,” he plopped the recipe collection on a counter and turned to a page illustrating how to bake tres leches cake. 

Zoro hungrily snatched the bunch of grapes. Torpedoing one fruit after another into his mouth, Zoro curiously observed Sanji studying a photo of a sponge cake. “Is that for Usopp's birthday?”

“Yeah,” Sanji glanced up, surprised that the swordsman was still in the kitchen. “Now get out of here. I have work to do.” Usopp’s birthday was in three days. Sanji needed to figure out how to retain a cake’s moisture that long. 

Instead of leaving, Zoro pointed at the list of ingredients. It was hard to read upside down but he tried anyway, his hand dangerously close to Sanji's. “What's the difference between baking powder and baking soda?”

Sanji furrowed his curly brow. “They react with the salt and the—what are you doing?”

He watched Zoro climb to the other side of the counter and stand behind him. Zoro peered over his shoulder. “I wanna see how this is made.”

Too close—Sanji could practically feel Zoro's breath on the back of his neck. “I appreciate your interest but I'm not looking for an audience right now.”

“Alright,” Zoro backed off. “Night, then.”

Sanji waited for his pulse to slow down before getting back to gathering ingredients. When he could no longer hear the swordsman's footsteps, Sanji relaxed. Alone at last. Now he could focus. 

Not really.

Zoro’s stupid musk was in the air. Even the nicotine couldn’t overpower it. That wasn’t the only thing that Sanji couldn’t shake. Their conversations or run-ins always seemed to end with some kind of tension. What  _ was _ it? 

For the past few weeks Sanji picked up on very subtle signs. The way Zoro walked into a room that Sanji was in. Or the way he'd stay on the deck a little longer at night if Sanji was out there smoking. 

Worst of all, thinking about it was causing all of Sanji's cooking mishaps. Dropping food, burning himself. 

During an afternoon tea with Robin the next day, he chose to confide in the archaeologist. 

“Maybe underneath all that rivalry, you're both kindred spirits,” she theorized while holding one of the tea cakes that Sanji made. 

“Kindred spirits? That can’t be it.” Sanji scoffed. His stark rejection of Robin’s theory prompted her to spawn a hand that out of spite flicked one of his tea cakes to the floor. 

“Five-second rule,” she gave the chef a wry smile. 

  
  
  
  
  


Usopp's birthday party went better than expected. For once everyone forgot that stupid rule and enjoyed a meal like old times. They all shared their favorite memories about their crew mate Usopp. By the time Luffy finished his speech about their friendship, the long-nosed pirate was in tears. Sanji presented the slingshot-wielder a culinary masterpiece: a three-tiered sponge cake in the shape of three colorful Sogeking masks. 

It went great with alcohol too. 

By the end of the night, Sanji's kitchen was a mess. Everyone had gone off to sleep but he had to stay and get a head start on cleaning, the only thing he could do mindlessly. As he scrubbed a plate, a rumbling rippled through his belly. Sanji had been so wrapped up in making sure that the party went well that he hardly ate anything. 

Cooking while intoxicated didn't sound like a good idea. To avoid third-degree burns, Sanji went with making onigiri. He used day-old sticky rice and a sheet of nori to make one ball, umeboshi in its center.

The cook held his handiwork up with pride. In the light of the moon, nori had the same color as Zoro’s hair. Sanji stepped backwards to allow more moonlight to wash over the seaweed. He started feeling dizzy. Double vision, butter fingers. His onigiri landed fell to the ground softly. 

Damn. It was the only one too. 

_ Five, four... _

No one was looking. Especially not that shitty swordsman.

_ Three, two... _

Sanji quickly swooped down and grabbed the rice ball. An inner debate began. Zeff would probably do it, right? That geezer was always talking about not letting food go to waste. Sanji took a bite. 

“I saw that,” a drunk Zoro stood in the doorway. 

“No you didn't!” Sanji spun around covering his mouth so his chewing wasn't visible. 

“Yeah I did! Not so high and mighty now, are we?”

Swallowing both his food and his pride, Sanji sharply responded, “Shut up. I was  _ hungry _ .”

Zoro staggered towards him. The smell of sake on his breath was terribly strong. “Taste good?”

“Of course it does,” Sanji shoved the drunken pirate away. “I made it.”

“No, I meant, do  _ you _ taste good?” Zoro leered at him. 

Sanji was at a loss for words. Only the ticking clock in the room made a sound. In a blur, Zoro very uncharacteristically threw his anchor arms around Sanji. Together they slid along the counter and down to the floorboards. Sheets of nori flew, grains of pearly white rice toppled. 

Damn, Zoro was  _ heavy _ . Sanji tried to act like he didn’t just get the wind knocked out of him but he couldn’t catch his breath. Zoro kneeled over him and slurred, “Five-second rule,” 

Enraged, Sanji wheezed, “What? Get off of me—”

Zoro's mouth was on his. 

For two complete seconds. 

Could Sanji even call that a kiss? It was over before it really even started. The strong aftertaste of rice wine, along with a  _ lot _ of questions, was all Zoro left. He stumbled out of Sanji’s kitchen cursing, “Wasn't supposed to do that.” 

Sanji got up, beads of rice falling on top of his shoes and scattering in all directions, just like his thoughts. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


He didn't see Zoro in the kitchen the next morning. Luffy was there destroying the leftover birthday cake. Throughout the day, Sanji gazed out the kitchen window to get a view of the ship's deck. Zoro wasn't out there doing one hand push ups. He didn't show up for lunch. Dinner also went by without him. 

When nightfall came, Sanji convinced himself to go outside and find Zoro. Truth be told, he didn't want to deal with this shit. He never asked for it. Of course Zoro would do something like this and give no apology or explanation. 

Having a smoke sounded better than dwelling on complicated things. Sanji decided to indulge in one. He stood on the ship’s deck and thought about how stupid that kiss was. Yeah, it was so stupid. He decided to think about the stupidity of the sensation a little longer. 

“It's not your turn to keep watch,” Sanji dropped his cigarette when he saw Zoro approaching him. The blonde clicked his tongue when he saw his stress-reliever on the ground. “Does that stupid rule apply to cigarettes?” 

“Nah, it only works with food.”

Realization dawned on Sanji. “ _ You _ told Luffy that stupid rule! You started this whole damn thing! Why?”

“I knew it would drive you crazy.”

What was stopping him from kicking Zoro overboard? Literally nothing. 

“I'm glad you had fun with your practical jokes.” Sanji muttered. A silence came over them. That tension returned. 

Zoro held up his hand. “Last night I—

“We don’t have to talk about it.” 

There. Problem solved. They could just go on pretending that it never happened. Zoro lightly grabbed Sanji’s upper arm. “Give me five seconds.”

“I'd rather give you a concussion.” Snapping his arm back, Sanji started to storm off but Zoro spilled, “You know I'm no good with words. Things are just  _ different _ with us and I dunno...”

That was the closest to an apology Sanji was going to get. He tapped his fingers on the wooden railing and babbled, “I'm not exactly an expert at this either. Not with guys, anyway. Certainly not with you.”

“If we do it again, for five seconds, and you don't feel anything, then we can let this shit go.” Zoro suggested. 

Did it work that way? Guess it was worth finding out. 

“Right. Ok. Do I, um, how do we...?” He didn’t know how to position himself, what to do with his arms. 

“Just close your eyes.” Zoro instructed. 

Fair enough. Shifting uncomfortably, Sanji allowed his other senses to make up for his temporary blindness. There was the cool wind, crisp night air, and Zoro's distinct scent. Centuries passed before he felt Zoro's palm timidly press against the small of his back. Eons ended when their faces were close enough. Forever and eternity waited for them to finally get it the hell over with. 

Sanji took the leap. It wasn't magical. Zoro's lips were firm and his body was stiff. He seemed too nervous to kiss back. His light green eyelashes flickered as the fifth second passed. Or was it the fifth minute. The entire ordeal lasted much longer than it should have. 

“That was awful,” Sanji laughed when Zoro signaled that their time was up. They didn't stop embracing. 

“Really? I thought it wasn't that bad.”

“No, it was pretty bad. I don't think your rule applies to kissing.” 

Zoro sheepishly asked, “Did you  _ feel  _ something at least?”

“Yes,” Sanji replied. “I felt sorry for all the people you've kissed before.”

Tossing his head back, Zoro guffawed and struck back with, “You should feel sorry for yourself, you were my first.”

Before Sanji could properly show shock at that revelation, Zoro dragged him back to the kitchen. 

“It'll work better here,” Zoro cupped Sanji's face and laid a big smack on him. He even made the  _ mwah _ sound. Dear God. 

Sanji doubled over laughing. “You can't  _ force _ it, idiot. That's not how this works!”

Crushed, Zoro paced around the kitchen grumbling about how complicated everything was. When he finally settled down, Sanji told him not to worry. Even if they had to practice with only five second intervals, they would find a way to make it work. 

Over time Zoro did improve, but the sessions remained the same short five seconds. 

As for the rule, it continued well into the summer, which brought intolerable heat at night. Everyone was too worried about staying cool instead of that silly running gag. Sanji didn’t even get upset anymore if someone dropped food. 

He wasn’t making any slip-ups in the kitchen either.

One night he sat at the counter planning meals for the rest of the month. He heard Zoro wonder in from another intense training. 

“Got anything for me?” Zoro sat across from him. 

“I made some ice cream. Don’t drop it.” The blonde scooped cream into a small bowl and handed it to Zoro. Peacefully, they sat in each other’s company. Once he had an idea of everyone’s portions for the next few weeks, Sanji gave his eyes a rest. Zoro was looking at him with a tiny smile. 

“What?” Sanji mumbled sleepily. 

“Nothing. I thought...I think that this feels right. Just being here with you.” 

Sanji yawned. “If we don’t pick a fight with each other soon, the whole crew is gonna start assuming things.” 

“Right,” Zoro finished his dessert but didn’t want to bother with seconds. He put his bowl in the sink and kissed Sanji lightly on the lips. Given the high temperature and humidity, the icy relief was welcomed. It was quick, like all of Zoro’s kisses. Sanji went out on a limb and stole another one. And another one. Wanting more, Zoro reached out for the cook’s shoulder and pulled him further into their kiss. 

Sanji’s drowsiness melted away. That familiar spark of arousal fluttered in his chest. He noticed how Zoro was getting into it. Really into it. He gave a low hum that Sanji used as fuel to speed up the tempo. 

With a smirk, Sanji pulled away. Zoro opened his eyes and saw the cook holding up his hand. 

“You were  _ counting _ !?” Zoro, indignant and inconvenienced, gaped at the cook. 

Sanji teased, “Five-second rule.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! If you'd like, please check out my other ZoSan oneshot, Free Food. 
> 
> Happy Holidays~


End file.
